Being Gay and Greek

When Casey Buttke decided to rush a sorority at Northeastern University, she knew she wanted to find that sense of community and belonging that Greek life promises its members.

Every year thousands of young people join fraternities and sororities across the country, fulfilling that stereotypical college dream that was so glamorized in movies like “American Pie” and “Animal House.” In reality, hours upon hours spent smiling and making small talk with strangers at a seemingly endless chain of events finally culminates in the form of a bid — an invitation to pledge one of the chapters you spent so much time trying to impress.

Going through Greek recruitment, or “rush,” as it’s more commonly known, is taxing enough as it is. But to experience all of that while trying to conceal part of who you are is a different experience entirely. For Buttke, hiding her sexuality during sorority recruitment was an instinctive attempt at avoiding prejudice rather than a willful choice.

“I was definitely scared to bring it up because so much of the decision lies with the people that I’m talking to,” Buttke said. “It was weird because I’ve never really been that aware of it. Like, I’ve never been not talking about it on purpose.”

Buttke, who came out as pansexual in high school, joined Sigma Kappa during the fall of her second year. She mostly avoided mentioning her sexual identity during recruitment out of fear that it could negatively impact her chances of getting a bid — after all, the rush is based almost entirely on surface-level impressions and trying to casually mention your queerness during a conversation about where you got your shoes usually doesn’t go very smoothly. Since joining, Buttke has grown comfortable enough to share her sexual identity with her chapter, introducing her to an unexpected yet substantial community of queer people who are actively bridging the gap between gays and Greeks.

“There was an activity before our sisterhood retreat that was about privilege and identity and stuff like that,” Buttke said. “One of the questions was, ‘What part of your identity do you feel the most discrimination from?’ I think there were like, five people who said sexuality. That was right after I joined the chapter so even though that's not that many people, I was pleasantly surprised. That was a nice kind of reminder that even if I don't end up knowing all of these women or knowing who is queer in our chapter, I know that there are people there.”

The nontraditional, urban Greek culture at Northeastern has helped break down barriers between the once segregated communities of the Greeks and the gays — intersecting organizations rooted in heteronormativity with the LGBTQ+ community, from the other end of the sexual spectrum.

Over the past two decades, the visibility and acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community have increased on college campuses and in society as a whole. A 2016 study found that out of a sample of more than 33,000 undergraduate students, 10% identified as LGBTQ+. A study conducted in 1996 showed that 5%-6% of fraternity men and 3%-4% of sorority women identify as nonheterosexual — and that was more than 20 years ago, so it’s reasonable to expect that the prevalence and acceptance of outed queer people in Greek organizations to have increased since the turn of the millennium.

“What I have witnessed over the last few years nationally is that there has been a lot of advocacy within a small number of fraternity and sorority organizations, from the local chapter level to the national level, around the inclusion of transgender and/or lesbian, gay, bisexual or pansexual members,” said Lee West, director of Northeastern’s LGBTQA+ Resource Center, via email. “This advocacy has caused some exciting shifts in policy and practice, primarily within these small number of organizations. I think these changes are just starting to shift broader cultural norms in fraternities and sororities overall.”

There’s no room for fraternity or sorority houses on its sprawling urban campus, so lifestyle and financial commitments are generally less than that of schools in more rural areas, such as the University of Alabama. In comparison, what Northeastern embodies is a more updated model of Greek life that has soaked up some of the progressive and diverse beliefs that a liberal city like Boston tends to hold. And for many students, this urban adaptation of Greek life turned out to be a perfect balance.

“I really wasn't going to rush at all because I was terrified of sororities,” said Cat Nelson, who grew up in Tennessee. “But the group of friends that I found my first week at Northeastern kind of encouraged me to go through it.”

Now a fourth-year, Nelson is a sister of Alpha Epsilon Phi and president of Northeastern’s Panhellenic Council, the governing body of the university’s 10 sororities. She also identifies as bisexual.

“I think that the reason I wanted to join a sorority is because of the idea of them fully accepting me and who I am,” Nelson said. “I like that I didn't have to think about my sexual orientation when I was rushing. I was just trying to find a place that accepted me for me; Coming out to them later was just a bonus. It reassured me that I chose the right chapter because I felt they were very supportive of me and who I am as a person. My sexuality just kind of is a part of that, and they understood that.”

To get data more representative of Northeastern, I sent a survey to each chapter with the intent of gathering data on the various sexual identities represented in Northeastern’s Greek community. Out of the 180 respondents, 41 individuals, or 22.8%, identify as something other than heterosexual. Bisexuality was the most common identity among non-hetero respondents, accounting for 16% of those 41. Of course, these numbers don’t officially represent Northeastern’s demographics, as the high percentage of queer people is likely a reflection of who chose to respond; but it was still very interesting to find that just under one-quarter of respondents in this sample identify as LGBTQA+, especially when compared to a similar study from two decades ago.

“I honestly didn’t even expect there to be another gay person in the fraternity,” said Patrick Luizzo, a brother of Phi Gamma Delta, or FIJI. “But then I got there and there was a member who’s gay, and there was another member before him who was gay. So the precedent had been set.”

In October, Chi Omega brought the Panhellenic Council and the Interfraternity Council (IFC) together and created an event called “Out in Greek Life.” The event featured a panel of queer students who came together to speak on their experiences of being out in Greek life. This event marked the first time that Greek life explicitly recognized its LGBTQ+ members by providing them with a space to connect, grow and learn from each other. And it’s all thanks to Lexi Blecher, Chi Omega’s career and personal development chair and organizer of the event.

“Typically the person in my position brings in a mental health speaker as their big fall event and it was just done so many times,” Blecher said. “Other sororities and frats do that, we don't need that.”

Instead, Blecher decided to tackle something that no one else was talking about — the stigma of being gay in Greek life. While Blecher herself does not identify as LGBTQ, her two best friends from college do, and it was clear to her that something needed to be done to bridge the gap between her Greek community and their queer one.

“They’re not comfortable meeting my sorority sisters because they feel like they're being judged,” Blecher explained. “That's who they think is in Greek life, and I wanted to do something about that. I know people in Greek life who identify as LGBTQ+ and I knew that that wasn’t how Greek life was here.”

The turnout for the “Out in Greek Life” event was greater than Blecher had expected, drawing a modest audience of gays, Greeks, and even more gay Greeks. A group of FIJI brothers who attended the event were inspired by it and are hoping not only to recreate it in future years but to work with Panhel and IFC to foster a space for queer people within Greek life.

“I think that the fact that Chi Omega did that ... is like breaking ground,” said FIJI brother Bryan Bonnett. “It sort of shows that just even starting the conversation is so important. I really hope to see a lot more in the future, especially in regards to rush.”

Bonnett, who identifies as pansexual, is one of a handful of our brothers in his chapter. He was in a serious heterosexual relationship when he first pledged, but in the years since he’s been able to experience and discover his own sexuality. He started coming out to people this year and came out to his brothers earlier this semester during their chapter’s semesterly mental health seminar.

“They've all been really supportive,” Bonnett said. “It's not even like they don't care; they actively do care. It's not like, ‘Oh, you're still the same,’ because I want to be treated the same but I also don't want it ignored. I want them to know that it's okay to talk about it and it's okay to even joke about it. I want that balance between not treating me any differently because I'm out now and not completely ignoring the fact that I am out now.”

Bridget Shurdut, one of the panelists, has always openly owned her bisexuality and made a point of highlighting that part of her identity during the process of taking a little. Shurdut wanted to find a little that she could relate to and serve as a mentor for, in addition to someone she could be unapologetically herself with.

“It was really important to me that I got someone who was either a straight ally or not straight,” Shurdut said. “But it wasn’t as important to me if my big was because [at the time] I didn’t really know if anyone else in Sigma Kappa was not straight.”

Shurdut and Casey Buttke, both members of Sigma Kappa at Northeastern, were able to connect with a network of other sorority members to find a piece of the LGBTQ+ community within their sorority, a place where they least expected to.

Though they never envisioned themselves as the “sorority girl” type, both Shurdut and Buttke quickly found a sisterhood that was the right fit for them. Like many of Northeastern’s Greek members, Buttke was attracted to the non-traditional Greek experience that Northeastern offers and decided to give it a chance.

“I really wasn't sure coming in what percentage of people would be LGBTQ+ or out,” Buttke said. “After having spoken to a few people, I started feeling a lot more comfortable because I was realizing that some of my friends, not only in this chapter but in other sororities and fraternities, were also out and I was able to speak to them about their experiences.”

There’s a special camaraderie formed among people who share a commonality that distinguishes them from the majority. Finding common ground at the narrow intersection of being both gay and Greek is a unique kind of connection for those who claim that identity. While society has taken incredible strides toward being more universally accepting of diversity, specifically when it comes to sexual identities, there is still plenty of progress to be made.

“There is this community that needs to be fostered, and I don't feel exactly connected to it because it hasn’t been built up yet,” Bonnett said. “But from what we've talked about with other brothers and other chapters, there is a want and a desire to create a sense of community where even if you're not in the same chapter, you’re both queer people in Greek life. And that means something. And that is a potential community that would be really impactful and really fun to explore.”